Garret

Well, Howards long awaited day has arrived. After a year of endless plugging, he is leaving the free airwaves for the insulated world of pay-to-listen radio, where he wont be bothered by the FCC or hounded by the Religious Right, where he will be able to give his audience what they really wanta comic genius freed from the shackles of censorship. It is the birth of a new, more outrageous Howard Stern. Based on the recent blitz of TV hype, ad campaigns over the internet, and the brilliant promotional gimmick to have him walk through the paved Manhattan streets from the bonds of free airwaves to the freedom of private airwaves, youd think he was the second coming of Christ for Gods sake (just a figure of speech).

Ah it all sounds so good. It all sounds so noble. And as usual Howard has his minions opining his message.

The fact is Howard is the ultimate marketer of all things good for Howard. And this is good for Howard, plenty good in terms of dollars, something Howard holds dearly as a measurement of a man's worth. Not surprising. After all, on a smaller scale, this is the same guy who shamelessly hawked some of the worse pay-per-view videos ever produced. He is also a guy who would have his listeners believe he sells his cars to Car Cash and buys his mattresses over the phone. In that regard, his career has been well controlled and executed to perfection. It also the part of Howard I have always had issues with.

He likes to think of himself as the Lenny Bruce of radio. But let me tell you, from what I know of Lenny Bruce (just saw the movie last night), he is no Lenny Bruce. You see I never bought the shtick that Howard is a beacon of truth in the turbulent seas of talk radio. What he is, is a self centered, self important, self promoting huckster, who happens to be a really intelligent funny guy with an uncanny knack for surrounding himself with fringe human props. I love his humorespecially that self-effacing, crony bashing, staff firing stuff.

I'm proud to say I go way back as a Stern lackey. I was listening when his producer Gary committed a fatal mispronunciation that forever branded him as Baba Booey. It was some of the funniest live radio I have ever heard.

I have listened to Howard play his whack pack members like a finely tuned Stradivarius, making me laugh out loud in guilty glee during long morning commutes. And who can forget the infamous Stuttering John interviews and Jackie the Joke Man revelations.

I was tuned in when he painfully announced his divorce, a sad moment revealing the truth about his marriage, unlike the relationship he had promoted unabashedly for years and used like the handle of a axe as he chopped up one celebrity after another about infidelities or leaving first spouses for young "hay nanny nanny"just ask Joe Piscapo or Chuck Norris. Of course the irony is that Howard eventually did the exact same thing. Oh yeah, but that was different. Yeah, right.

Oh come on now, it makes him human, no less flawed than Tom Cruise. What do you know about that? That having been said, I have always loved his radio show. It has made me smile for endless hours. In fact, his radio show even bridged the generation gap, giving my son and me something to secretly share as I drove him to High School, pretty much making me the father from hell.

It really is kind of sad. The free airwaves need the Howard Sterns to shake up the folks out there. But no more. Personally, he can say what he wants (and he will ad nausea), I think he sold out on a big part of his audience. Im not buying his artsy-fartsy, freedom of speech lines. Dont get me wrong, he has every right to do whats best for him; just be honest about it Mr. Beacon of truth.

Will he succeed? I dont really know. He might. Hes investing a lot in this and stands to make a bundle. He is no business dummy. But its not like he is breaking new ground either. Opie and Anthony, Howards devil offspring, have been on satellite radio for a year. Havent heard much about them since. I used to love them too. Sorry they had to go. But Im not paying for radio waves. I mean Im already paying for TV, Internet services and phones. Radio has always been the last free frontier; it almost feels un-American to pay for it. Besides, the guys all are playing in a pristine park now. I think much of what I liked about Howard, and Opie & Anthony was how they didnt play nice in the sand box of censored radio.

They were a voice of challenge and I applauded that. It is what made them important and their humor so much more entertaining. No more chewing out racists, bigots, homophobes. No more rants on censorship or meddling station directors. No more analysis of nasty letters or emails or phone messages. No more pushing the envelop. All of that is gone now. And that is a shame because it was a giant part of their humor. That is what the audience got.

Oh well.

Good bye Howard. Ill miss you. Keep in touch.

And Baba Booey to you all!

This article was written by humorist Robert Crane. If you like what you have read, please drop by his popular website where you'll find plenty more.

http://www.cranelegs.com